Quote of the Year

From a really, really good issue of Motorcyclist magazine. Quote from Vincent guru Big Sid after setting a record on the salt:

"Bonneville? She's like the whore that gives you the ride of your life, and then when you get home your dick falls off. There's salt everywhere. It'll take a year to clean these bikes!"

Ol' Sid cuts through the shit, huh? Heh.

Counting Carbs

No, I am not talking about your diet.
I see at least six.

Wait, it could be three Quadra Pukes back to back.

I am obviously positive this is a custom rod but I just noticed the bed and the  top of the cab are married.

Is that a Studebaker bed?

I Need A Kick In The Can

I swear, I am the definition of lazy lately.

I have three rigs, all of which are undriveable right now.

The Beast, my 67 Ford 4x4 started crapping out on me last week on my way to work.
I got there finally but it was a hit and miss struggle.
It felt like there was water in the distributor cap.
Spit, sputter, back fire, miss fire, no power and I had to baby it just to get off a stop light, after it warmed up, about two miles from work, it ran fine.

Same thing on the way home.
I parked it and started beating the daylights out of my moms  Pontiac Grand Am.
She is in Arizona for the Winter.
I gotta say, for a V-6, that thing hauls ass.

Anyways, I finally got off my dead ass today and went to the nearest idiot squad, who actually HAD what I was looking for for once and got a cap, rotor, points and condensor for a forty five year old rig.
I came home, got the dang thing under the car port and opened the hood.
I am damn near six foot tall and it is all I can do to see the top of the engine.
I yanked the air cleaner off on my tip toes and messed with the fuel mixture a bit, something that is verboten normally.
Then I snapped the clips off the cap and pulled it off and sure as the pure driven snow, there was moisture inside.
I swapped it out, one plug wire at a time, a lesson learned the hard way years ago, put on the new rotor and fired it up expectantly.

Yeah, it still ran like crap.

I had a suspicion the timing chain was going to hell a while ago and had cranked the disributor around until the vacuum advance ran up against the hose clamp screw on the bypass hose.
I finally went and got a screw driver and loosened the clamp to rotate it, retightened it and cranked the distributor around as far as it would go.

Presto- Change-O
It purrs like a love starved kitten.
The distributor has to go, it is as sloppy as  some guy named Joe but the timing chain is definitely shot.
Yay.
Back in the day I would be out there until two in the morning, cursing and happy, wrenching away.
Now, I have three rigs that are messed up, don't run or are untrustworthy and I can't seem to find the energy to get off my dead butt to even open the hood on them.
I can't blame this on a mid life crisis either, at 52, I am way past that.
I am just plain tired after working all week, my feet hurt,my left shoulder is so messed up I can hardly turn my head and I just don't wanna.

It's time to pay.
Pay someone else to do this work.
I hate that but I am just getting worn out.
Just like my vehicles.

Admin ...

Yeah, I had to finally switch over to a more modern template and change the comments to make them useful again.

Beauty and The Beast

I ran into this over at FARK.. It's called The Stretch Boat Limo Van.

It's not a bad idea and if you start at the back and work forward, it is sleek and graceful, until you get to the front.

It is like someone grafted Frankenstein's head on to Beyonce's body.

Seriously?
An E350 van nose on such a pretty body?

I have worked on hundreds of those vans and my first question is, WHY?
My second and more pertinent question is just how long and how many thousands of dollars did it take to make that boat anchor waterproof?

This thing is actually supposed to float!

Apparently Being A Red Neck Is Not Exclusive To The Southern States Of America

Hey, the heater in my Ford sucks too.

I have to wear gloves because of that cold assed plastic steering wheel.

GRRRRRR!

HMM, I decided my mechanical vocabulary doesn't belong here.

If you have a set and can hang with a pissed off mechanic, you can find it  here,.http://ornerybastard.blogspot.com/2012/02/grrrrr.html

One for Gordon ...

World's Most Dangerous Sport. Figures they're Germans.

Oops!

Heh ...

A luxury sports car outing in Japan has ended in what may be one of the most expensive car crashes in history.

Eight Ferraris, three Mercedes-Benzes, a Lamborghini and two other vehicles were involved in the pile-up in the southern prefecture of Yamaguchi.

No-one was seriously hurt, but the road was closed for six hours after the accident.

Media reports estimate the damaged cars are worth at least 300m yen ($3.85m; £2.46m) in total.

...

Some of the most expensive scrap metal I've ever seen.

I Do Believe Beer and A tiny Penis Are Part of the Reason For This Display

I gotta think this took place below the Mason Dixon line too;

I Got Another Good Boy

I figured I'd brag about the kid over here too.
I posted this at Ornery Bastard last night.

Proud of the young man, I am.

All of 13 years old and he took to wrenching like a duck to water.

The kid as almost as big as I am at 13 and already wears size 12 shoes.

Scary.

I found a pair of coveralls that was a bit too big for him and we went to town .
Tearing the front of the motor apart, yanking the radiator, fan, belts, crank pulley and all to yank out the front crank seal and put it all back together.

He kind of petered out towards the end but he did awesome and took direction to the Tee.

Yeah, his name is Bobby and I am damn proud of him today.

A typical teenager, he tends to smart off but I figure some positive reinforcement will go a lot farther than threatening to beat his ass.
Besides, the boy has a natural talent which I am going to out of my way to encourage.

Speaking of talent, this kid will amaze you with his Yo Yo's. I am serious.
He pay's 80 bucks apiece for them and watches youtubes and is absolutely amazing at the tricks he can do.

If he stays serious about this much longer, he will make money.

For you lady folks, he looks just like that little Justin Beiber.
This kid is going to have to beat the little girls away with a stick in a couple years.

He never really had a Dad and I just came along but my other boy had the same situation and I could bust a gut, I am so proud of that guy.The young man is well on his way to being a stand up individual.
Speaking of which, I am going to be a Ornery Fucking Grandpa again.

Some time in March.

Thankfully, I have the New Wife to keep track of all these Birthdays and shit.

Y'all have a nice day and thanks fer stopping by

Attention Chevy Lovers

There is a 1978 Corvette for sale that has 13 original miles on it for about fifty grand.
The guy bought it and put it in his barn.
I t is covered in dust and still has the window sticker in it and a gas reciept for seven and a half gallons of gas he paid for with five dollars.

Original down to the factory battery and it started right up.

I don't have that kind of money but I did just trade a 1995 F-150 for an 80 El Camino.
It has electrical issues but I have already traced most of them down to the printed cuircit board behind the instrument cluster that was demolished by some rookie mechanic.

Starts and runs good, has an Edelbrock four barrel and STILL gets better mileage than that damn ford with a straight six.

Kind of a two tone, flat black and grey primer, I call it the Rat Mobile.

Went to a wrecking yard and got an entire instrument cluster that even has a clock in it for 65 bucks.

I should be out there putting it in as I type, it ain't raining but I am going to wait a few more minutes.
Hey, I actually have insurance now.
The things ya gotta put up with when ya get married.





Btw, 1978 was the first year a Vette paced at Indy.

Racing Darwinism ...

Veteran driver Dan Wheldon, who won the Indianapolis 500 for the second time this year, died from injuries suffered Sunday when his car was entangled in a horrific 15-car wreck early in the IndyCar series' season-ending race at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. The Englishman was 33.

...

It was a bad day in Vegas yesterday.

Already we're hearing calls to reduce the speed and "make the cars safer". Indy Car is at a place NASCAR was 10 years ago, just after the death of Dale Earnhardt. Hopefully, Indy goes the other way.

NASCAR went the full route, a complete redesign of the cars, in and out, and look what we have now. Nothing more than a spec race (in the vein of IROC or the Barber Saab Series), a tour that's more suited to short tracks than super speedways. You see it now, as cars have to run in pairs just to stay on the lead lap or pass. NASCAR ain't NASCAR anymore. It's been made too "family friendly". Nobody wants their kids to see their favorite driver smeared all over the catch fence.

So Indy Car is at the point now where they have to make a choice. Slow the cars down and bulk them up with even more safety equipment or keep the status quo and let Racing Darwinism come into play. It goes like this.

Fielding a competitive Indy Car team costs big money.

If the owners don't want to lose their investment, in both personnel and equipment, they'll change the way they build cars. They'll figure out a way to keep them on the track at high speed or they'll continue to wreck.

If they continue to wreck, the good drivers will think twice about crawling into the car.

When they start losing money, things will change. There is no need for a complete makeover. The biggest problem is keeping the cars from going airborne and that's easy enough to do (a gyro and small parachute in the rear of the car - if it goes nose up at too steep an angle and too high a speed, the parachute deploys, dragging the nose back down).

Racing is racing, and people have been dying in race cars since the top speed was 30 mph. When you push the envelope, shit happens sometimes. Pushing the envelope is what racing is all about and when you put limits on speed, you lose some of the appeal.

I'm old enough to remember NASCAR when it was good. When the cars that ran on the track could be bought at your local dealership. Never seen a V-8, carbureted, rear wheel drive Toyota Camry on the road; have you? When you could tell the make of a car without the decals on it. NASCAR's "Car of Tomorrow" all share the same body. So how do they call it "stock car" racing anymore?

Indy Car has a choice. Follow NASCAR's lead and redesign the whole sport or allow the teams to make the changes they feel they need to in order to be competitive and entertaining. Personally, I'm for the latter. Racing with speed limits is neither racing or entertaining.

Granite Trial

Click to embiggen

Once again the only Twin Shock Novice 4-line rider, my "Gord made the rope wrap around the tetherball pole! Yay!" award. Seriously, I'm proud of it. Four inches across and a half an inch thick and nicely machined and etched. Its maker said he'd engrave it for me for free if I want. I'm thinking of going with "World Trials Champion". Heh.

Once again, Mrs. G plodded around in the woods for some video. Thank you, sweetie.

From the SactoPITS Granite Trial on 10-8-2011 near Cisco Grove CA.

1st scene shows me as my own worst enemy. As usual. The delightful and senior-citizen-friendly young lady checker was bound and determined not to give ol' gramps here a 5. I deserved one, believe me. I paddled my way through.

On the next loop I got an honest 3 on this section. On the 3rd loop I fell on two duffs, mine and the forest's. Softest getoff I've had all year. Like landing on a pillow. Got my 5 legit! Finally. Heh. The young lady scorekeeper, who couldn't have weighed 90 pounds soaking wet, lifted my bike off me. An All-American girl, that one! I think that was the only section I couldn't clean at least once in three times through.

2d scene is riding a section in the snow. It was slushy and slippery and I had to put a foot down.

3rd scene shows me riding the "4 line" (beginner/novice) through an easy section. The exit to the check and the scorekeeper were cleverly placed behind a stump. The motorcycle you hear is not mine.

The day went well. The snow didn't matter much. I rode 3 loops of 8 sections for 24 sections, ended up with 21 points and 16 clean rides for my personal best on both. Damn fine way to end the season.

Last Gasp At Donner Summit

This is from yesterday's Vintage-Beginner day of the SactoPITS Boreal Ridge Trial held at the Auburn Ski Club property located at Boreal Mountain Resort (formerly Boreal Ridge Ski Area) atop Donner Summit in the Sierra Nevada in California. 7200' of elevation and just a few yards from Interstate 80. You can see traffic on I-80 at one point.

Thanks to my lovely Diane who walked a mile and a half and clambered up and down rocks to get this video.

In the 1st segment, you can see me hit a rock that was hidden in the grass. I had to use my feet to save it and "5ed out". No glory after that so I just sat and paddled out of the section.

2d segment, I clean an easy section. I'm still a beginner and get to ride the easiest line.

3rd segment, I darn near clean the section but had trouble with a sharp turn at the end. I cleaned it on my 3rd try.

Even when you do it as badly as I do, this sport is big fun!

Saturday Emmylou Blogging

Note: When I hooked my desktop back up I musta skipped something because I have no audio, so I posted this without being able to hear it. Lemme know if it plays OK or not.

Thanks to DrBlindopolis.

For All You Chevy Lovers

Sweet dreams.

Geritol Trial

The more detail-oriented among you might notice that I am not riding the same motorcycle I started my trials career on. This is a late night quickie and I will explain later.

My wife took some little dabs of videos of me at today's Geritol Vintage-Beginner Trial at the SactoPITS property in the Sierra Nevada east of Sacramento. I strung 'em together. Look at this as an old fart having fun trying a new sport. I've been riding dirt and street for over 50 years and thought I knew how to ride a bike 'til I tried this. Heh.

Cannibal Cruise '11

Here are a few photos from today's Cannibal Cruise at Truckee River Regional Park three blocks from my house. We got there a little early while a good many of the cars were out on a Poker Run so I can only ass-yoom that none of these run. Cough. Missed the burnout contest too, but I'm opposed to those anyway on the grounds that they're wasteful and toxic. I don't like it when the NASCAR winners do it either. Why can't they just jump up and down and drill a ball inta the ground or sumthin'?

What car shows are all about. The only photo you really need.

Click photos to embiggen

The obligatory '55 Chevy photo or Mrs. G won't talk to me. Her first car was a 210 like this one.



"Oh yeah, dude, we hadda lower it so it's easier ta get the stuff outta the back, man..."




Here's the mural on the side:



A Ford I could live with.



Proper positioning of yer rod is important to impress the judges.



The trophies were on display. Even as far from the ocean as you can get and still be in California, the surfer and woody theme is popular. The painting is of a popular view of Truckee from Hilltop looking across the Truckee River toward downtown.



Always wanted me one'a these Meskin cowboy hats. They had 'em at the car show. Mrs. G got a floppy straw sun hat exactly like she's wanted for a long time but she's camera shy.



Update:

I stand corrected. Mrs. G is not camera shy at all and so informed me just before she let my arm untwist so I could work the camera.

Lovely ...

Bad enough most people can't handle an automobile in 2 dimensions (left and right), now we're gonna let them drive in a 3rd (up and down)? Nothing good can come of this.

Unreal

Someone recently paid 217 thousand dollars for a Volkswagen.



A completely concourse restored 1963 twenty three window Volkswagen van that took seven years to restore.

Click the link for a picture.

What Barrett-Jackson says about it:
Every part on this bus was completely rebuilt and detailed to the highest level possible. The interior has a German mohair headliner, original German balsamic gray interior, all original latches, handles, ashtrays and luggage rails restored to perfection. Many NOS parts were used on this build like the speedometer and clock. The entire inside of this bus is beautiful . Every detail down to the original radio is correct. The paint and body work on this bus are some of the first details you notice. The entire undercarriage of this bus is as detailed as the rest of it. Not only does everything on this bus look great underneath but it runs and drives like it would have when you drove it off the lot in 1963. This bus is museum quality and has every correct detail down to every correct little decal on the engine.

Still, really?